What will a girl take?!

On July 3rd I was at a 4th of July celebration in a fairly small town (there was, at most, 200 people in attendance). I was walking about the grounds on several occasions during the day and saw a lot of high school students. However, my eye kept stopping on one particular high school "couple". They laughed, they cuddled, they held hands, they talked...but one thing that they did really stuck out to me.

For the sake of privacy, I will call them Todd and Kelly.

Every so often I would see Todd be "playful" with Kelly. He would push her, push her, and knock her down onto her butt. The whole time, Kelly would be laughing.

Can you tell what is ok with this? Can you tell me what's wrong with this?

"It's affection" someone might say. "They are just "messin' or playin' around," someone else might say.

I have to know: Since when it is ok for a guy to push a young woman (a.k.a. "girl")? Since when is it ok for him to knock her to the ground and humiliate her for the sake of "playing around"? Since when is it ok for a young woman to tolerate any guy who does that on purpose?

I could not help but feel sorry for Kelly. She was tolerating a relationship where a guy was expressing his dominance. There is no respect there. One minute they were hugging and displaying typical high school affection. The next minute Todd was pushing Kelly onto her butt.

So my big question is this: WHY IS KELLY STILL "DATING" TODD AFTER THE FIRST INTENTIONAL PUSH?

I also want to know why would Kelly laugh about being pushed to the ground? Who is to say Todd wouldn't do it again or do it harder the next time? Kelly, is the attention really worth it?

Most every girl wants attention from a guy. And it feels good when a guy likes you, doesn't it? He holds your hand, hugs you, and makes you feel close to him and cared for. Let's face it: it is in our blood, as girls, to long for affection, to be special to someone, and to have attention from a guy. It can make us feel important and that we mean something to someone.

If I were having a 1-on-1 conversation with Kelly, I might ask her about her family and her home life. That would give me an idea about why she is in the type of relationship she is in. I have found that girls who have fathers that are active in their lives and respect their daughters, tend to have relationships with friends, families, guys, and co-workers that are also respectful.

Do girls want respect or do they only want attention? I saw no respect from Todd to Kelly, but I saw Kelly get up off the ground and wrap her arms back around Todd. By doing this, she told him with her body language that it's ok for him to push her around (whether or not she likes it). When he was playfully pushing her away, it didn't matter to her because she would get back up and be his #1 girl again. If she was hurt inside, it didn't show. If she felt he was being rude, she didn't bat an eye. If she wanted him to show affection, she was getting it, but just the wrong kind.

As young women, we need to know who we are so that we can have confidence in ourselves. That confidence will produce self-respect. Self-respect will help us to choose meaningful and respectful relationships.

When I was in high school, I was so attracted to guys that I don't know why my parents ever let me out of the house. I was always looking at guys and sizing them up to be a potential boyfriend. One of the biggest red flags for me was if I ever saw a guy push a girl. I knew that if a guy pushed a girl, even playfully, that he had the great potential to do it when he was mad (such as in an argument, which EVERYONE has). I didn't want to be pushed around in any type, shape, or form.

That's NOT love or a respectful display of affection! That goes for girls also and pushing or hitting guys. Seriously, tell me one guy who is flattered by a girl who hits him, even if it is meant to be playful?!?!

Ephesians 5:28-29 says, "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church."

Ephesians 5:33 says, "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

I realize this passage is talking about married people, but if you look at it as between any guy and any girl, the principle of respect still applies. If a man is to love his wife as he loves himself, do you think a man would want or like to be pushed down? Certainly NOT! So why is it ok for a guy to push a girl? If a man is NOT pushing down his wife, then he deserves respect.

In regards to dating, if a guy ever pushes a girl, she should be stamped on the forhead as "UNDATEABLE!!", meaning you DON'T date him. You deserve to be respected, held high, esteemed, and cherished. Poor Kelly will get none of those things from Todd by tolerating his abuse. Even if she told him that she didn't like it, unless he stops after she tells him to, then it will NEVER stop.

Esteem means to be held in high regard. It is your worth and value to someone.

Respect is to to hold in esteem or honor, to show regard or consideration for, and to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with.

1 Peter 2:17 says "Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king."

1 Peter 3:7 says "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."

Can you see the pattern of respect in these verses? Can you see that it should be given and, therefore, received?

It might be difficult to end a relationship like Kelly and Todd's, depending on how deep into they are. If they did, Kelly would have a better chance at finding someone who would respect her, honor her, be kind to her, and appreciate her. She might be heart-broken from breaking up with Todd, but it would save her a lot of stress and save her from serious physical abuse down the road.

God cares about our hurts, ladies. He doesn't want to see us suffer. The Bible says in Matthew 11:28, "Come unto me all you that labor and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest." He wants to wrap us in his arms when we are hurting and comfort us.

1 Peter 5:7 says to "Cast all your cares upon him; for he cares for you." That is sooooo true!!! When we release the control over our emotions to God, He helps us to know how to deal with them.

For Kelly, casting off her emotions to God would allow her the strength to break up with Todd, to emotionally detatch from him, and to move on in life. God would be able to guide her about when to put her heart out there & when to hold it back. He would give her wisdom to know what guys to talk to and which ones to stay far away from.

Ladies, you deserve to be respected. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve to be held in high regard and high esteem. You deserve friends who will build you up and encourage you, yet help you in areas you need to improve (I'm not talking about what makeup or clothes you wear. I'm talking about character.). You deserve to know and believe that you were created special and unique for a purpose. You are never alone unless you choose to be a lone.

I pray that you will see how beautiful you are inside and out. I pray that you will believe that you deserve respect and that you will seek out relationships that bring you that. I pray that you will know that if no one in your life makes you feel loved, that you will know in  your heart that God loves you and that I love you!

If you are dating a guy who is not showing respect to you publicly and privately and you wish to break it off, ask for help from a trusted adult and support from friends. Remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," Philippans 4:13