Pamela's Prayer

Tonight I watched a movie called Pamela's Prayer.

This is a summary: It is the story of a widowed Christian father and his Christian daughter Pamela. Under Godly conviction, the father lovingly raises his daughter following Biblical principles—preparing her for marriage and a Godly life. Each and every night he intercedes in prayer for her.

During the teen years, her girlfriend has gone out with anyone she wants. But Pamela and her father are following a non-dating path. As a teenager, Pamela sometimes rebels at her father's guidance—using the usual teen arguments—even sneaking out once. This heart-warming story shows the truth of the pain that can be avoided by following a straighter path than the world. In the end, she is overjoyed with the fruit of purity and develops even higher love and respect for her father and his kind, prayerful guidance.

This timely movie does not attempt to discuss all of the issues related to purity, dating or courting. Nor does it specifically mention the courtship-like approach that is increasingly popular among Christians today. What it does accomplish is a skillful weaving of Biblical principles, righteous living, and love of family that produces a story that touches the heart and soul. This movie's approach is soft and respectful, rather than fast-paced and flashy. Never pushy or judgmental, the message is presented with kindness and love.




Let me just say that if you are a young girl, abstinant or not...Christian or not, I strongly encourage you to watch this movie as an encouragement to you that it IS worth waiting until marriage for more than just having sex--for purity as a whole. It also shows that a life like Pamela's is realistic, despite what your friends, co-workers, classmates, TV, other movies, magazines, or even your parents might have to say about it.

"Dating" does not help you find the right person--GOD DOES!

Purity: "Happily Ever After"

What is "purity"?
According to Merriam-Webster, it is the quality or state of being pure.
According to Dictionary.com it is...
      –noun

1. the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes, etc.: the purity of drinking water.
2. freedom from any admixture or modifying addition.
3. ceremonial or ritual cleanness.
4. freedom from guilt or evil; innocence.
5. physical chastity; virginity.
6. freedom from foreign or inappropriate elements; careful correctness: purity of expression.
7. Optics. the chroma, saturation, or degree of freedom from white of a given color.
8. cleanness or spotlessness, as of garments.

  

What is "pure"?
According to Merriam-Webster, it is...

• unmixed with any other matter <pure gold>
• free from dust, dirt, or taint <pure springwater>
• spotless, stainless; free from harshness or roughness and being in tune —used of a musical tone
• of a vowel : characterized by no appreciable alteration of articulation during utterance
• being thus and no other : sheer, unmitigated <pure folly>
• abstract, theoretical <pure research>
• a priori <pure mechanics>
• not directed toward exposition of reality or solution of practical problems <pure literature>
• being nonobjective and to be appraised on formal and technical qualities only <pure form>
• free from what vitiates, weakens, or pollutes
• containing nothing that does not properly belong
• free from moral fault or guilt 
• marked by chastity : continent
• of pure blood and unmixed ancestry
• homozygous in and breeding true for one or more characters
• ritually clean
• having exactly the talents or skills needed for a particular role <a pure shooter in basketball>

 According to Dictionary.com it is...
–adjective, pur·er, pur·est.

1. free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind; free from extraneous matter: pure gold; pure water.
2. unmodified by an admixture; simple or homogeneous.
3. of unmixed descent or ancestry: a pure breed of dog.
4. free from foreign or inappropriate elements: pure Attic Greek.
5. clear; free from blemishes: pure skin.
6. (of literary style) straightforward; unaffected.
7. abstract or theoretical (opposed to applied): pure science.
8. without any discordant quality; clear and true: pure tones in music.
9. absolute; utter; sheer: to sing for pure joy.
10. being that and nothing else; mere: a pure accident.
11. clean, spotless, or unsullied: pure hands.
12. untainted with evil; innocent: pure in heart.
13. physically chaste; virgin.
14. ceremonially or ritually clean.
15. free of or without guilt; guiltless.
16. independent of sense or experience: pure knowledge.
17. Biology, Genetics.
1. homozygous.
2. containing only one characteristic for a trait.
18. Phonetics. monophthongal. 

Answers in Genesis has a great article that talks about purity and a program called Happily Ever After. Happily Ever After, started by Julie Hintz, is an educational program designed to inspire students to save sex until marriage and to equip parents to guide and protect them.

The article says, "Purity—it’s much more than just saving sex for marriage. It’s a way of life. In 1 Timothy 4:12–16, the Apostle Paul instructed Timothy, the young preacher, to strive for purity in all areas of his life—including speech, conduct, love, and faith—so that Timothy’s ministry would not be despised by his hearers. Today’s generation of young believers desperately needs to be inspired to live pure lives—to be a remnant of purity in their generation and bring glory to their Creator and Savior."

"...purity is the foundation for a God-honoring marriage..."

Biblical stories of reference are

• Cain in Genesis 4 to teach a basic principle of Scripture: If we live life God’s way, we will be blessed, but if we stubbornly insist on living it our own way, sin will have its way with us.
• The story of Esau found in Genesis 25:19–34 and Genesis 27 illustrates the ability to look ahead and anticipate the consequences of our actions.  ...adolescents often “despise their virginity because they do not understand how precious it is until after they have squandered it.
• the story of Joseph found in Genesis 37–50 to show that God blesses patience and obedience. Joseph’s story gives encouragement to the young man who is being called ‘gay’ because he has chosen to exercise sexual restraint. It also encourages the young woman who is dumped by her boyfriend because she will not give him what belongs to her future husband.

Julie Hintz offers the following suggestions to parents:

■Become educated. For many, when it comes to sex, trying to guide our children toward a healthy future is like the blind leading the blind.
■Share the blessings you have received from abstaining or the consequences you have suffered from partaking. If you did partake, ask God to show you why He has placed sex within the protection and exclusivity of marriage. Fully understanding the blessing that obedience brings will motivate you to regain those blessings for your children.
■Have a vision for your child, grandchild, youth group, etc. Paint a picture of a healthy future for him or her. Keep that vision squarely before your eyes and weigh every decision against it. Be strong for your children by developing a reminder such as “Hate me now, thank me later.” They will thank you.
■Speak up against pornography and promiscuity. Speak up for the beauty of sex as God intended. Applaud television shows that promote married, monogamous sex. Turn off television shows that promote unmarried sex.

Read the entire article HERE. Visit the Happily Ever After website for more information HERE.

Preparing to be a Help Meet--Chapter 6--Three Types of Women

Read Chapter 5 HERE; Start at the beginning HERE.

[This was an extensive chapter; hence the longer "summary"]

Chapter Summary "Eve (and by extension, every woman) was created to fulfill a need in the man...she was created to be a blessing and help to Adam." To be a good, lovely help meet (one that is easy to love) takes lots of effort.

There are 3 types of women:

• Dreamer Gals
• Servant Girls
• Go-To Gals

Dreamer Gals often like to create, sew, design, paint, or write. They also might get antsy when things don't happen as quickly as they think it should. It is important that these gals don't get caught up in projects that distract them from honoring and helping their husbands. These gals should spend their youth mastering their gifts and skills; so that they can one day bring honor to their husbands through them without taking away from their roles as a help meet to their husband.

The Servant Girl is someone who enjoys being just that--a servant to others. It is important that they maintain their individuality and develop their gifts. Be an Encourager (someone who helps other to better themselves), not an Enabler (doing things for others that they should be doing for themselves). Look for a vision and a purpose that is bigger than yourself for which you can strive towards. Prayer will be important on your journey. Two Scriptural examples of servant-types are Jesus and Ruth.

The Go-to Gal knows her place as a wife, but is also strong, capable, and gives a sense of caring for the greater number of people. They are well at organizing and have strong opinions. Be cautious in your confidence. In Scripture, Deborah of Judges 4 is an example of a Go-to Gal; she was a judge in Israel.

No matter your personal "type", "power struggles still arise [in marriages[ especially when a girl has not been taught what God says concerning honoring her husband."

So why did God put men in charge? Well, He knew what he was doing... [the book explains this further by talking about men's nature and women's nature and how they need to blend together.]

Women were created to help and each woman/girl was created to suit a man's needs. 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 says, "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." The first command God gave to Eve was "Your desire shall be unto your husband, and he shall rule over you." (Genesis 3:16) Want to know more about the role of a woman in relation to her husband? Read 1 Corinthians 11:3, 7-9 and Ephesians 5:23, 32-33.

Debi Pearl says, "A wife's position under her husband is where God put her for her own spiritual, emotional, and physical safety." [Ladies, I have experienced needing my husband for ALL of these; some more than others.]

Two genders were created to create the complete picture of the person God wants us to be and to bring balance as a couple in the struggles of life. It is no mystery that "opposites attract". Debi Pearl goes on to talk about how to spot a Prophet-type man, a Priest-type man, and a Kingly-type man. You will have to read the book for yourself to know about that.

"In the end it is not so much what type you are as whether or not you are willing to place his talents and ambitions first and then utilize your gifts to assist him...a good woman serving him will bring out the MAN in him."

Moral of the Story

Learn and live well.

Caution!!

Stubbornness shuts the door on understanding.

Your Treasure Chest

• Could you serve a King?
• Seek God for the wisdom you will need to help him be all that God would have him be.
• Write these verses in your notebook and on the pages of your heart: 1 Peter 3:1-8.
• Explain what "let it be the hidden man of the heart" means.

My Challenge to You

• Rather than pray for what you need or want in a man, pray that the Lord will help you to become the type of woman that a good man will need to help him in all things.
• Do you know what type of man your father is (Prophet, Priest, King)?
• What type are you?
• Do you have a friend that is a Dreamer?
• Have you ever been irritated at some other girl because of her type?
• From what you have read [in the book], what type of man would you compliment the most with your gifts? [This is not talking about the type of man you dream or wish to marry.]
•  If you are a Servant Girl who marries a King, what must you learn to do in order to have a heavenly marriage? Read about Queen Esther in the Bible; a Servant Girl who married a King [for real & his type]
• If you are a Go-To Gal or Dreamer Gal who marries a King-type, what must you learn to do in order to have a heavenly marriage?
• Depending on the type of person you are, think about what you would need to learn in order to marry a Prophet-type or Priest-type man.
• Remember that the goal is to honor your husband and to live the role God has designed for you as a wife.
• Read 1 Timothy 4:12
• Look around at different couples that you see who are happily raising a family and ministering to other people. What are their types? How do they function as a team? Learn from their success. Notice how they respond to each other and other little things about them that bring forth good fruit.
• Look at couples who don't seem to have good balance. Learn what you don't want from them.
• Do a word study on the word knowledge.

Preparing to be a Help Meet Chapter 5--The King

Read Chapter 4

Chapter Summary
"Kingly men see life as if htey were on a high mountain; they look at the big picture, rather than individual, personal needs." They show little tolerance for those around them who drag their feet, make excuses, or whine about their lot in life. They want to move forward and they have a plan. They usually are people in authority over other people. They typically expect to be waited on hand and foot. When treated with honor and reverence, he will be wonderfully protective and supportive. Most times, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil, but because he expects obedience, honor, reverence, and he is not getting it. So, he reacts badly.

"His wife must be prepared to give him honor and reverence on a daily basis if she wants him to be a benevolent, honest, strong, and fulfilled man of God." Before marriage, she needs to practice being in subjection to those in authority over her, to practice serving daily with a cheerful heart, look for ways to serve her family, and look for ways to serve within the body of believers (not the fun jobs, but the ones that everyone else passes over). LEARN TO SERVE WITH JOY. "You could be a blessing or a curse to many people by how you relate to your Command Man."

"In subjection" means to put under or subdue to be in obedience, submitting oneself to another; to be enclosed or shut up in one place; to be bound by the law. This phrase also translates to: submit, subject, submitting, obey, obedient, obedience, put under, and subdue.


Moral of the Story
The wife to a King must learn to serve him with honor.

Caution
Don't be offended at his lack of serving or helping you in teh mundane things of life.

Your Treasure Chest
*  If you marry a King, you will need to keep in mind that he is not trying to lord over you...he is just in the image of a supreme leader.
*  Write a committment letter to your King, explaining to yourself the potential problem of having difficulty submitting to your dominant man and how you will respont to it when it arises. Make some real committments!

My Challenge to You
*  Is it God's will for a wife to submit to her husband? Should a wife seek understanding from God before she obeys her husband? If a pastor tells a woman to do one thing and her husband tells her to do another, who should she obey?
*  Read the scriptures about submitting:

• Philippians 3:21
• Colossians 3:18
• Titus 2:5,9 and 3:1
• Hebrews 12:9
• James 4:7
• 1 Peter 2:13-18
• 1 Peter 3:1,5,22
• 1 Peter 5:5
• 1 Timothy 2:11 and 3:4

The next 3 chapter summaries will be about 3 different types of women. Any thoughts on what they might be or the type of women to be described?? Stay tuned & I will do it as soon as I can.

Preparing to Be a Help Meet Chapter 4--The Priest

Read Chapter 1. Read Chapter 3.

Chapter Summary

The Priestly type is the most steady of all 3 types of men. He doesn't make snap decisions or tell other people what to do. As a general rule, he will be faithful until the day he dies in the same bed he has slept in since marriage. "This man is content with the wife of his youth." He will not put undue pressure on you, there will be no emotional fires to put out, and you will rarely feel hurried or pressured. The downside is that it can bring about irritation in a woman needing a little adventure to spice up life. Everyone will like him, they will not feel judged, and he will like having people in his home.

A good wife for this type of man will make her home a pleasant place for visitors, she will learn to cook for groups, and her gracious hosting will bring her husband honor. She must be caution not to judge him as being unspiritual because he "lacks fervent religious expression". She will need to be patient for him to make up his mind. Learn how to stand still & listen. She will need to take initiative and be involved in business; walking beside her husband rather than following behind like a Prophet- or Kingly-type. But know this, you are to walk BESIDE your man and NOT to be dominant over him.

"YOU WILL NOT BRING TO MARRIAGE ALL THE SKILLS NECESSARY TO MAKE IT INTO A FAIRYTALE COME TRUE. YOU MUST BE HUMBLE ENOUGH TO BEND AND MERGE INTO THE NEW IDENTITY. WHEN YOU COME TO UNDERSTAND MEND AS GOD CREATED THEM TO BE, YOU WILL NOT WASTE YOUR MARRIAGE TRYING TO CHANGE YOU NEW HUSBAND INTO WHAT YOU THINK HE SHOULD BE."

Quote from book commenter: "...Notice how fairy tales are never about marriage; they're always about whirlwind romantic courtships. They cover a few years, and then conclude with an "ever after" that, in reality, lasts ten times longer than the fairytale did. Fairy tales are very poor indeed at equipping a girl for a marriage that will compromise most of her years."

"The key is to know your man." So what can you do now to prepare? Learn how to pay bills, make appointments, and entertain guests. Have hobbies that are useful things to learn in managing a home & children. Be busy and productive. Seek Wisdom (Proverbs 111:10; Proverbs 4:7; James 1:5)!!

Moral to the Story
The wife of a Prophet-type needs to be as active helping others as her husband is. This will bring him honor.

A Caution
A Priest's desire is to please. Your impatience or unthanfulness can destroy his vision for serving others, as well as destroy your health.

Your Treasure Chest
*  What are some of the things you need to be studying?
*  Write in your notebook a list of things you are committing to learn in order to be a better help meet to a Priest.

My Challenge to You
*  What idle thing to do you do more than one time per week? Examples: excessive reading, standing in front of the mirror, eating, sitting at the computer, chatting / gossiping with friends, or excessive exercise.
*  Do you know any man who is very much like this Priestly-type?
*  Is your dad Priestly? If so, what could you do as a daughter that would please him?
*  What are some other qualities you think a Prisetly type would want to have in his wife?
*  Read these scriptures to see what God says about idleness and slothfulness (a.k.a "lazy"):

• Proverbs 19:15--slothfulness
• Ecclesiastes 10:18--idle
• 1 Timothy 5:13--idleness
• Proverbs 31:27--idelness
• Ezekiel 16:49--idleness
• Romans 12:9-21--slothful
• Hebrews 6:9-12--slothful

*  What are you doing today to learn skills for the future?
*  If you could do anything every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?


Read Chapter 5

Preparing to be a Help Meet Chapter 3

Read Chapter 2 HERE.

Opening Q's:

• What sort of man attracts you? Forceful, Gentle, Artistic. Thoughtful, Athletic, Brainy? (this is not necessaryily talking about what you WANT, but the type of man you find yourself most often drawn towards and attracted to)
• Did you know that God created men to express different aspects of His image?
• Which expression would best suit you? 

Chapter 3 Summary--"The Prophet"
Genesis 1:26 "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness". What is God's image? What is God's likeness? The word OUR is plural. Why does God refer to himself as more than one ("our")? What does the word likeness mean? What does the word image convey? This chapter answers these questions and gives you some understanding about men & God at the same time. It goes on to talk about why God refers to himself as OUR--he is 3 persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I am not talking about the "Trinity", but the 3 individual persons that make up who God is.

Debi Pearl says, "As a man moves into his late twenties and early thirties his image will become much more pronounced". Your husband will fall into one of three categories: Prophet/Visionary, Priest/Steady Man, or King/Command Man. Once you can identify your type of man, it will help you better understand him and men in general. So do women reflect varied expressions of God's love? You will have to wait to find out the answer to this question for a few more chapters.

What is a Prophet-type? This is reflected in God's person as the Holy Spirit. It is also referred to as a Visionary-type. This type of man is a shaker, dreamer, and changer. They seek to change things from the way they are done in an effort to make it better. Prophet type men are more confrontational and always have a "cause". They communicate through words, music, writing, art, or actions. Debi Pearl says that "good-hearted prophets can be a lot of fun. They are never Mr. Dull. They can love with a passion and be aggressively loyal to their friends and family. They can take the lead in calling the world to repentance and showing then a path or righteousness." They focus on issues in varying derees.

This type of man will make a great boyfriend because he will focus totally on his sweetie--very romantic. You will become his passion and dream come true...until a short time after marriage. Then, as his new bride, you will feel abandoned as he turns his focus onto another "cause". Don't be offended, but you need to be ready to "ooh" and "aah" when he comes back to share his new vision and cause with you. When he does turn his attention back to you, all other women will be jealous because you will have the most romantic man around!

Understand this truth no matter what type of man you marry: You need a life, a vibrant life before your man comes on teh scene. A clingy useless wife that lacks drive, goals, ambitions, or a dream is just that--useless.

One unmarried commentator says, "a girl who lives a static life of waiting to be married is not attractive. Think what it conveys. 'I'll just sit here idly while waiting for someone to come and give me a purpose, and a house and money and food and make me happy and love me.' It's very needy. A mand wasnts a companion not a sympathy case."

These type of men were likely to conquer the Wild West because of their zeal for adventure. They are either rich or poor. The great part about a Prophet man is that he is creative and tenacious in the face of difficulty. The downside is that if they are not wise, they can be foolish by pushing their agenda onto people and forcing others to go their way. A stable and supportive woman helps to keep a Prophet productive rather than destructive. A Prophet type needs a woman with a positive outlook on life who is wise and prudent. She needs to learn how to be flexible and how to always be loyal to her man. ONCE YOU MARRY, your honor and allegiance belongs to YOUR MAN. [I capitalized those parts to stress that prior to marriage your allegance belongs to your parents or guardian, and then after marriage you must give your honor to your husband over your parents. This is not to say you cannot respect your parents and still honor them, but it will be different.]

Standing by his side, you will allow your husband to be confident that he is the man he is supposed to be. If you marry this type of man, learn to enjoy the ride. You will be his most important fan.

Other thoughts...
* He will talk and talk and talk and talk if he feels his honey approves of him. He will greatly need his wife to think objectively and use common sense.
* He will not notice what he eats, do don't be offended if he doesn't compliment your cooking.
* He is an initiator and provoker.
* He is intense on matters that can easily be blown out of proportion. So his wife must guard against negative conversation about people.
* He might spend money unwisely, leaving his wife feeling insecure. It will be vital that his wife remembers and stays focused on the fact that her treasure is not of this world. Treasure your husband and children, but don't mourn over moneytary and material things.
* He needs a woman who does not take offense easily.

Proverbs 24:3-4 "Through wisdom is a house builded; and by understanding it is established: and by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches."

Moral to the Story: Be flexible for your man.

A Caution:
Your most important job as a Prophet's wife is keeping a chaste and commonsense attitude and conversation (not bad-mouthing folks). Without it (keeping a chaste and commonsense attitude and conversation) your marriage will be miserable.

Your Treasure Chest:
* What can you do to prepare yourself to be a good wife of a Prophet?
* Will you start today praying for this wild man?
* Find all the statements (in this chapter) that list what you need to become to be a good help meet for a Prophet-type.

My Challenge to You
* Take a sheet of pretty paper and write a commitment: "I, ____________, make a commitment this day, ________, to honor, reverence, and obey my Prophet/Visionary husband for the man he is. I will appreciate his dreams; I will not listen to anyone bad mouthing him, and I will remember that I am his help meet to stand with him on all that he wants to accomplish," etc. Roll it up, tie it with a ribbon, and tuck it away in your Treasure Chest. If you marry a Prophet man, this document might save your husband a whole lot of irritation.

* How do you know if you would like to marry a Prophet/ Visionary type man? Ask yourself this: If you were married and one day he announced that he was moving the whole family to Iraq to minister, how would you respond?

* Read:

• Matthew 12:36
• 1 Timothy 4:12
• Ephesians 2:3
• Ephesians 4:22-32
• Philippians 1:27
• Philippians 3:20
• 1 Peter 1:15
• Hebrews 13:5
• James 3:13-18
• 1 Peter 3:1-2 and 16

*What are traits needed to be married to a Prophet-type? What do they mean and look like?
         -One character trait is Faith: Hebrews 11:1-40

* Search your heart to discover your motive in what you say about others. What is your intent when you speak? Do you criticize in order to build yourself up and make others think that you are perfect?

* Do a study on the word shamefacedness and idleness. What do they mean? How do they apply in relationships? You will find out more about it in Chapter 4.

Preparing for Marriage

I have learned a lot in the 3 and a half years of my young marriage. I have some things to share with you that I have learned since being married and I hope that you can learn this BEFORE you say "I do". There's no need to sit around twiddling your fingers or texting all day, waiting for "Mr. Perfect" to come along. Be pro-active!! http://fineartamerica.com/images-medium/waiting-tahirih-goffic.jpg

(photo from Fine Art America)

Here are a few practical ways you can prepare yourself now for marriage and help make the transition a little bit easier:

1. Have personal DAILY devotional/prayer/worship time with God. I cannot stress this enough! This is the most important one! If you do nothing else in preparation for marriage you might get by with grace from God. It really is the foundation of all other things.
(photo credit)
2. Make dinner for your family at least once per week. You plan, you make the list, you cook (having help if necessary), you serve, you help clean-up (choose to cook on a day it's already your turn to do dishes).

3. Have personal DAILY devotional/prayer/worship time with God. I cannot stress this enough!
4. Make a Meal Plan and stick to it. Start with one week at a time, once per month. Perhaps you can do this with your mother so that you are not taking over as much as you are assisting, helping, and learning. HERE you can print out templates to help you get started, as well as get ideas from Money Saving Mom. HERE is an article on menu planning made simple from a High and Noble Calling. She also has a bunch of postings HERE about menu planning. Check them out!

5. Have personal DAILY devotional/prayer/worship time with God. I cannot stress this enough!
(photo credit)
6. If you have any type of income, make a budget and stick to it. Ask your parents or a responsible adult to help keep you accountable. It can be simple (i.e. savings, spending, and donating) or detailed (i.e. gas, clothes, savings, donating, car expenses, entertainment, gifts, etc.). When you get married, a budget will be vital in your relationship. Knowing now how to do this will REALLY help you after marriage! Dave Ramsey has great material for young adults/teens called Generation Change. THIS is good stuff!! HERE is an article written about young adults choosing to be different than their parents on finances. HERE is an article about how teens CAN become millonaires.
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7. Have personal DAILY devotional/prayer/worship time with God. I cannot stress this enough!
(photo credit)
8. Keep up with chores your parents ask of you. Help your parents keep the kind of home you want to have. Trust me, you will not become a clean homemaker on your wedding day unless you are already in the habit of it before you get married.

9. Have personal DAILY devotional/prayer/worship time with God. I cannot stress this enough!
 (photo credit)
10. Help to make the shopping list for food and household items, then help shop for them. The sooner you learn to get good deals the better. Very few go into a marriage making $75,000 or more per year. Even if you did, there's no point in paying waaaaay more than an item is worth! Save a few bucks and then use it for a date night--now that's being financially frugal!

11. Have personal DAILY devotional/prayer/worship time with God. I cannot stress this enough!
(photo credit)
12. Entertain company. I am not talking about reciting your recently learned piano lesson. When your parents or you have company over, plan a meal, snack, and/or drinks to have ready to offer them. Serve them food and/or drinks, then clean up their plates when they are done. I once knew a woman who would plan the meal, serve the food, offer drinks and refills, and clean up the dinner plates when her parents would have company over. The adults never had to leave the table, couch, or break conversation. She was practicing being a hostess. To this day, she is one of the most amazing hostesses I've met! She is gracious, smooth, lays out a beautiful setting, polite, and almost a bit subtle.

(photo credit)

1 Peter 4:9 "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."

3 John 1:8 "We ought therefore to show hospitality to such men so that we may work together for the truth."

Like I said before, you will not become a great cook, a gentle hostess, a frugal shopper, a spiritually strong and wise help meet, or any other great idea you have that will happen in your marriage just because you said "I do". It takes work. Some things will take less work & other things will take more work, but you can be a beautiful help meet, as God intended, if you put forth your heart and efforts. Whether you realize it or not, a true man & a man ready for marriage will look at your attributes beyond how you look or dress.
 
Let him be more attracted to HOW you will make a great help meet to him and not so much on how you LOOK to be a good woman at his side.
 
Practice helps, but God makes perfect!!

Preparing to Be a Help Meet Chapter 2

Read Chapter 1 summary. Book Giveaway!

Chapter 2 Summary

This chapter starts off with the question "How will I know whom God wants me to marry?" It then goes on and tells the story of a young woman, Lydia. She was 23yrs old when she began to wonder if she'd ever marry. In the meantime, she kept busy working at several youth camps; until one day her father told her that a young man asked to court her--a man she would have NEVER guessed. She was not into the idea but agreed to give it a chance after her father's gentle persuasion. She had questions about how a girls is supposed to fall in love & marry & live happily-ever-after, especially to a stranger. She spent time fastin & praying about this young man who was seeking her out as a potential lifetime mate. She sought out the advice of her parents and woman who had mentored her several other times.

Proverbs 11:14 says "Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety."


Proverbs 15:22 says "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the mulitude of counselors they are established."

{What did she decide? I will let you find out when you read the book for yourself. If you or a relative cannot afford a copy of the book, then please email me and I will be glad to send you one.}

This chapter also tells a bit of the young man, Billy, who asked to court Lydia. There are lots of commentaries by single and one married man about this chapter.

One of the commentaries says "Yes, it is good for a young, unmarried girl who is out of school to be involved in ministry. She should be investing her time in worthy activities (long-term rewards) and not spending too much time just hanging out with friends (short-term rewards)."

Another one says "The nature of someone's speech tells a lot about them and where their life is headed. There are distinct differenes in the speach of a person who directs their life (proactve/wise) and someone who lets their life direct them (reactive/foolish). The reactive individual talks of wishes and hopes whereas a proactive individual talks of plans with difinitive action. The reactive individual talks of people, things, gossip, and "tabloid" news whereas a proactive individual talks about concepts, opportunities and meaningful current events... The book of Janes equates the tongue to the helm and rudder of a great ship or a horse's bit. The way it directs, the rest follows (James 3:1-2)... What subjects fill your conversations?"

A great tool is the list of how Lydia approached knowing God's will for the courtship and the list of how Billy understood God's direction regarding a mate. It gives a bit of "do's" for a person who likes specifics. The chapter also gives a list of how a girl can find direction regarding whom God would have her to marry. Here are a few:

• She honors God in her youth.
• She shows herself hardwoking and willing to be a good wife.
• She prays for those in authority over her so that they will be watching for any young man who might make a good match.
• She watches for an opportunity to serve.

The chapter describes the courage, loyalty, and faithfulness of the only women in the bible who have books named after them--Ruth and Esther.

Another commentator says "Search the Word of God and you will discover it never says God will tell you whom you are to marry nor that He'll confirm your decision. He's outlined the character qualities of a godly man and promises wisdom to those who ask, but it is your life and your choice... If you want to know what "God's Will" is, read the Bible because the Bible is the written record of God's Will to man... Read James 4:13-15 and note it is not wrong to have plans, only to have them and not give place for the intervention of God..."

Moral to the Story: God often lead us down his path through the counsel of those who are wiser

A Caution: Stubbornness can wreck your life. High-mindedness can leave you a high and dry old maid.

Your Treasure Chest
* Are you willing to seek wise counsel?
* Will you be open when it is given?
* Make a written Commitment now!

My Challenge to you:
* Why do you think Billy chose Lydia out of all the other girls he might have known or thought were "pretty"?
* Would you prefer to marry a man ten years older or five years younger than yourself? Why?
* Can stubbornness cause us to miss God's will and maybe even God's man for us?
* How does a girl know the will of God concerning the person she is to marry?

* If a good, Godly man came knocking on your door, are there things you would not watn him to see about you right away?
* Guys are watching you all the time to see what kind of girl you are. You can be watching guys also to see what kind of guys they are.
* We are called by God to walk in righteousness.
* Do a word study on the subject of "Conversation".
* Look up these verses:

• 1 Corinthians 7:34
• Proverbs 11:14 and 12:15
• Proverbs 31:10-31
• James 1:5
• 1 Timothy 2:2
• Colossians 1:11, Romans 5:3-4 and 8:25
• Galatians 5:13
• Proverbs 19:20-21
• Proverbs 3:1-6 

For my next 3 postings, I will be summarizing chapters written about 3 different types of men and which type might best compliment you. After reading the next few summaries, you might not know which type best compliments you and that is OK! This is where wise counsel and time come into play.

Read Chapter 3

Preparing to Be a Help Meet Chapter 1

The book opens up with this:

There is a thread...

a bright thread running,

weaving, tying bows

and underlining our lives.

Sometimes the thread is

narrow and barely perceptible;

other times it is FLAMBOYANT,

creating showers of wide

dashing ribbons falling

from every corner of our lives,

bringing VIBRANT COLOR

to our otherwise ordinary existence.

And so your thread begins...

Chapter 1 Summary

In Preparing to Be a Help Meet, Debi Pearl shares her own love story and how she prayed for and fell in love with her husband. In the chapter she focuses on the importance of prayer in her pre-marital life and how it effected her marriage to Michael. She was thirteen years old when she started to pray for her husband.

She says about her prayers for her husband that "God was looking for a help meet that would pray, not for herself to have a wonderful prince, but for a help meet to start HELPING this warrior of God to do the job God had for him to do."

She talks about specific things we are to pray for and WHY God wants us to pray. In her focus on prayer, Debi says "God designed His Will to come through PRAYER...If you want a Thread to weave through your life and marriage, if you want a godly prince to hold you in his arms, loving you wtih all his heart, then know this: it starts with prayer!"

Daniel is an example of persistance and perseverance in prayer. Battles are happening in the heavenlies when we pray. The enemy doesn't want our answers to come from God to us through his messanger angels. We are to pray, but not to pray amiss. We are to pray until we have an answer. Matthew 7:7 says "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

Moral to the Story: God wants, no, he NEEDS us to pray.
A Caution: Don't pray amiss.

At the end of each chapter there is "Your Treasure Chest".

• Chapter 1 Treasure Chest:
• Pray for your future beloved; that he'll be strong and walk faithful.
• Establish lifelong habits of prayer
• Make a list of people you are committed to praying for and then PRAY for them.

My questions for you:

1. If Debi had not listened to God when He told her to pray, do you think she would have still married Michael, her husband? Why or why not?
2. Could it be that you are missing out on God's best option for you right now because you are not praying?
3. If God spoke to you, how would you answer?

My Challenge for you:

• Verses for meditation: Matt 9:38; Like 10:2; John 15:7; 2 Thessalonians 3:1&2; Matt 18:18; Matt 7:7 Luke 11:9; John 16:23; James 4:3-4
• Try to pray for someone who has made you mad or hurt your feelings for 1 week and see how God can change your heart towards them.
• Do a word study on prayer:
• Look up definition
• Look up the word on a computer program or on the internet such as on BIBLEGATEWAY or BLUE LETTER BIBLE
• Find out how many times the word is used in the Bible
• Read a few of the passsages so you know how God uses it in contex

Be sure to check out my other postings about this book HERE. You can also read the Chapter 2 summary.

Preparing to Be a Help Meet

I have decided to read a book by Debi Pearl called Preparing to be a Help Meet. I am really excited about the book in relation to this blog. As I go through it, I will post excerpts, thoughts, and summaries of each portion I read. Once I am done reading the book, I will be giving away a copy of it, at random, through my blog. So, if you like the postings I put about it and you want to read it for yourself, be sure to watch for the giveaway!