Breathing

Many times I find myself contemplating what to write about because I don't want to put out so many negative things nor do I wish to neglect and ignore my authentic feeling. Each day I struggle to bridge the gap between these two things. Some days I tried to stay with my feeling is, to give it a name, and I'm to replace it with something positive. This is something that I am inching along with and feels as though I move no further than to take baby steps. Baby steps frustrate me! At 34 years of age, a mother to four children, full-time student, and a part-time business owner. Shouldn't something so simple as replacing a negative with a positive be easier than juggling all these other things?!

Sometimes I think that I slow myself down in making progress. I believe that I don't have the capacity or the resources to make a change in the way that I make decisions and in the way that I think. Negative!

And this will be a great time to insert some remarkable "a-ha!" moment and inspiration...

But I've got nothing today. 

I have opportunity to be in school and work part-time and go to morning program at my children's school every Friday. I CAN pick them up after school 1-2 days a week and drive them to school at least 3 days a week. So what is it then, that makes I feel so stuck?! Some days I live one breath at a time. Other days I can plan ahead and run like a maniac to accomplish tasks. Am I taking on too much or just not juggling my time well enough?!

I decided to look and see what God's Word says and evaluate my decisions to be in line with His Word. Here are some verses I found:

Colossians 3:23-24 (NIrV) says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."

Psalm 127:2 says, "It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."

Matthew 6:33 (NIrV) Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB) says "But seek first the kingdom of God[a] and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.

These verses speak to me that God knows that I need rest. He knows that when I seek Him first, He will bring good things into my life and direct my steps. It is so hard to say 'no' to so many things I enjoy, but then I find myself void of feeling fully satisfied in the activities I participate in. It's as though I live my life as a check-list, anxiously moving from one thing to the next to complete all the self-induced demands of my altruistic personality. My mind races! 

But here, God is asking me to consider what I choose to do with my time and to choose that which can be done heartily for HIM, not for the purpose of a checklist or agenda. Here, He is calling me to stop. To pause. To consider that which I can do heartily for Him rather than in "anxious toil" (Psalm 127:2) just to get it done.

Sounds simple enough: I just choose the things that bring me closer to God and serve Him by serving, or helping, others, right?!

Oh, if ONLY it were that simple. Saying no is something I really struggle with...so is a quality 'yes'. I want to improve on this so I made a list of the 5 most important things I need to say 'yes' to right now (which can change; that's why it's just for right now, in this season):

1. Daily time to read the Bible and Pray.
2. Daily time with my kids for 1 meal, homework, extra-curricular activities, etc.
3. My own college homework (for the next couple months).
4. Work: running my cleaning business or pursuing other work God has for my future.
5. Sleep!

So, when asked about additional items on my time, I need to remind myself of this list. If the additional fun or task does not fit into one of these 5 things listed above, or if it hinders me from doing any of these 5 things, then I need to say "I'm sorry, but I cannot at this time." 

"AT. THIS. TIME."--key words! These key words free me from self-burden in the present and leave the option for participation in the future. But ultimately, I need to be sure I am choosing what helps me live my goals. Seasons in my life bring shifting and changing, but I have to remember that what I do should be thought through well in light of the Bible and what will bring me closer to God. To do it for Him, rather than my own checklist of success. 

I can also look ahead for the goal of the next season. I know that college will not last and that my work schedule may need to shift when my kids are off from school. The main goal is to focus first on the Lord and choose a 'yes' that will help meet my goals of daily time in the Word, quality time with my children, and sleep! I can know that what is in this season may not be in the next season, which is why we can say 'no, not now', but 'maybe, or yes, later'.

So what are your top 5 'yes' things in this season? What is something you look forward to doing in your next season? Has God already put something on your mind and heart that you look forward to pursuing?