My Testimony of Love pt.2

In middle school it was various boys I saw at the local public school while I was wating for the bus to my private school. Or it was boys I saw around the baseball fields where my brother played little league. Other times it was boys I met a youth group events who went to other churches. I always liked the outgoing ones who might've been a little on the "crazy" side. I recall once giving my contact information to a boy I saw (never met) at a church my family visited.

"WHAT?!," you might be thinking. Why would I do such a thing? We were camping several hours away from our home where I saw him. The odd thing is that I never even "met" him or introduced myself. I had noticed him as we entered the building and we sat a couple rows behind him. I think I was around 14-16yrs. That's just a guess. It was actually my father who gave the boy my contact information because I was too scared to do it myself. Strange? Not for my dad. I believe the idea was that this unknown boy would never really contact me.

I was a boy-crazy girl growing up. My parents had their hands full. I remember "dating" people in secret where it consisted of sitting next to one another, saying "this is MY boyfriend/girlfriend", passing notes, and maybe holding hands. I "dated" the son of my uncle's girlfriend when I was only 10 or 11yrs old. I had a BIG crush on him! I even "dated" a guy in highschool when I was 14yrs old for about 7-9months. That was just a pass notes and hold hands type of relationship. I look back now and laugh at how silly it was, but at the time it was my heart that had those feelings. Then I had "feelings" for a guy in my youth group when I was 15-16yrs old. He was by far the best guy I'd come across up to that point in my life, but even that didn't last long at all. Oh, on and on I could go, but I am tired of just trying to recall all my past crushes.

I did not protect my heart. I didn't fully wear it on my sleeve, but I was willing to. If someone I had feelings for would show interest in me, then I wore my heart on my sleeve and held it in my hand; offering it to them if they wanted it. The odd thing is that no one wanted it. About 80% of the guys I liked never liked me back. Of the guys that liked me, I was only interested in about 5% of them. Up until highschool, the feelings came and went as quickly as the next day came. At least that's how it seems when I look back on it.

The whole time I was on a search for "love". I wanted to be loved. I wanted to feel cared about. I especially wanted to be liked. I was never popular, I didn't have a lot of friends (even though I knew a lot of people). I didn't go to the public school so I was picked on a lot. That always hurt. I wanted so badly to be liked and loved, but was feeling more and more sad as each year went by.

Tune in for more to the story. If you've not yet read PART 1, do so soon.